Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
