rhymes with "ouble enetration"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
