Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
