saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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