Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
