Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
