We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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