Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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