I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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