I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
