Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
