So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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