I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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