I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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