Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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