Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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