i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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