nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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