I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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