I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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