I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
