So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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