Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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