I'm eating all of the evidence.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
