i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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