nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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