I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
