The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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