I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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