made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
FUCK WHALES
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
