I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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