So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
