its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
