I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
