I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
