party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
