Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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