He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
