the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
