I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How external is "for external use only"?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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