Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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