Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
