I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
