I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
