so explain again why im purple
no
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
