I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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