I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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