he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
