There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
