and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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