Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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