College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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