Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
