I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
