This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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