I'm lost and stupid without you.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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