I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
