Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
