I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dignity is for republicans.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
