My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found your dick twin last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
