I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
