She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
