He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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