omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
