Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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