very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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