conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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