drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
