My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
