I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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