Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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