Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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